Islington’s house prices are in crisis. From first time buyers to those trying to move up the property ladder, people are struggling all across the borough. Even Islington Councillors are struggling with the relentless rise in house prices. But what if you had the money, and chose not to buy a home in Islington? What could you get instead?
The two bed Islington flat
It’s bare, it’s almost 15 times the average UK wage, and looks like a brick with balconies. But it’s £235,000 less than the average asking price for a two bedroom flat in Islington and could be yours for just £399,995. Pay with £400,000 and you’ll get a fiver change. Go for a pint to celebrate your investment. And cry into it.
Or would you prefer a three bedroom houseboat?
That’s right, for just £399,900, nearly £1000 less than the flat, you could own this luxurious three bedroom houseboat. It features central heating, a “charming wheelhouse” and a kitchenette. It’s capable of jaunts across open water, or excursions closer to home for the less adventurous character.
Sure, you probably have to empty your own sewage and pay for mooring and fuel, but it’s a small price to pay for that extra double bed and the ability to roam the waterways of London like an urban Jack Sparrow. Sort of.
What about six ski chalet apartments?
Yes, you read that right. Six skiing chalet apartments. Les Gets is described as a traditionally styled Alpine village, situated on the border between France and Switzerland. You can even rent them out afterward and make a tidy buck, not that you need to, you’ll have more than £90,000 left of your budget!
There aren’t any pictures on the site, but we have no evidence to suggest it doesn’t look a bit like this:
It’s everyone’s dream to live in a pub, right?
Now you can live the dream! For just £395,000 you could own The Bountiful Cow in Holborn. It seats 70 people, and currently specialises in steaks and burgers, which is everyone’s favourite food. Even vegetarians. It also features two or three bedrooms, and no fewer than two parking spaces.
It’s turnover isn’t listed, but that’s probably because it makes so much money that if it list it, everyone would want it.
Or perhaps you’d like to hire a footballer for an obscenely short amount of time?
Alexis Sanchez plays football. He plays for Arsenal. He earns £140,000 a week. Whilst it would take someone on the average UK wage nearly 15 years to earn the cost of the house, it would take Sanchez less than three weeks.
So after fifteen years of hard toil and spending NO MONEY WHATSOEVER, why not hire Sanchez for three weeks and make his life a misery? That’ll show him.
You know what’s really cool? Flying.
Is there anything more exciting than owning a helicopter? No, is the answer. And this one’s dead cheap, so you can even get yourself a plane as well. With more than £100,000 left over for the flying lessons, or a helipad. And a runway. Actually, this is incredibly impractical, don’t buy these.
An actual gold bike. Like, a bike, made of gold.
Now this, this is much more practical. And you get to keep your feet on the ground. This handcrafted 24 karat monstrosity is one of just 13 gold extreme bikes, and is encrusted with black diamonds and gold sapphires.
With a £335,839 price tag, you’d still have enough money left over to buy yourself a family car because powering a bike encased in gold is probably more trouble than it’s worth.
Ten elephants worth of penny sweets.
If you had completely lost your mind, you could spend all £399,995 of your housing money on penny sweets. But chances are you’ll have to visit multiple newsagents, as you it’d total 70 tons of sweets, equivalent to ten elephants. Or a tank.
Or you could go to space. Twice.
A ticket into space will set you back about £170,000 on Virgin Galactic. Flights haven’t quite commenced yet, so you’ll have to wait for Bieber to have his turn first, which is galling. But I’m almost certain once you’re looking down on the Earth from space, a view fewer than 500 people have ever taken in first hand, you won’t be thinking about that two bed flat in Islington.
